Don’t stop by, anytime.

On By aftheadIn Uncategorized
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My house on an average day. Playing with cats is more important than putting laundry away.

I hate unexpected visitors.  I don’t want you to stop by if you are in the neighborhood.  If you are going to be driving by, feel free to text or call to see if I’m available, but if I don’t respond just keep driving.  Sure it might be fine to stop, but it might not.  I’m too polite to tell you to “go away” at my door, but I will quietly seethe your entire visit if you aren’t welcome.

See, I might be naked, fighting with my husband, or naked fighting with my husband.  Those things don’t happen all the time, but they do happen.  I might be in my introverted shell and while you’ll think I’m lonely, I am not.  I enjoy being alone.  It’s an infrequent pleasure in my life.

If I’m in the front yard, feel free to wave or honk or slow down for a quick chat, but unless I invite you in, please stay in your car.

I realize this is weird. My extroverted best friends with people skills tell me, “I was in your neighborhood yesterday and I didn’t stop.”  I think I’m supposed to feel guilty, but instead I reply, “Thank you.”  I know they are trying to illuminate the fun times I am missing, but I am not missing anything.

My house will be a mess if you stop by.  I am not a housekeeper.  If I don’t know you are coming there will be shoes and backpacks tripping you just inside the front door.  The dishes from breakfast, lunch, and maybe dinner the night before will still be on the table – worst case – or in the sink – best case.  The cat-box will be dirty and the house may stink.  My slovenly ways mean you will judge me and find me wanting.  I’ll feel terrible and you’ll feel superior, but I’m sure you can find ways to feel good about yourself without me being involved.

Please, if you are invited, come on over.  It’s not that I hate people, or parties, or visitors.  But I am descended from, or reincarnated from, peoples who had barriers to keep away invading hordes.  The drawbridge must be lowered, the moat monster put away, and the dungeons cleared before honored guests arrive.  If guests are expected, I know I won’t need backpacks to alert me of intruders, convenient food left in case I must suddenly flee, or cat poop to fling at invaders from warring tribes.  Be confident that if I asked you to come, you are welcome.  My house will be clean, my clothes will be on, and the familial fighting will be negligible.

I beg you, don’t stop by.  Give me a call if you are in the neighborhood.  We’ll meet at the coffee shop.  I’d love to see you there.

15 thoughts on “Don’t stop by, anytime.”

    1. Really? Maybe we need some kind of a club. We can make silent door knockers and doorbells so we don’t even realize when people are inappropriately stopping by. I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone!

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  2. That’s not weird at all. I’m with you 100%. I identify with George Costanza from Seinfeld. There was an episode where he dated a woman in prison, solely because he’s “not a fan of the pop-in!”
    🙂

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    1. Oh, I’m so glad to hear you think this isn’t weird. I’ve had this post in my drafts for months and kept almost pulling the trigger on it, then stopping, because I didn’t want to be treated like a pariah. (Now I’ve got to go find that Seinfeld episode, although I’m not sure I like that I agree with George about something…)

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    1. I have a “company ready” house when I know company is coming. Otherwise I live in my house. It’s so refreshing to know I’m not the only person who doesn’t value house cleanliness above all else!

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  5. CelesteMiller

    Bahahahaha love this 😀 not only do I agree (uninvited visitors strike me as recon parties, sent ahead to be harbingers of unwanted dinner guests to come), but you just have a magnificent way of explaining the whole thing. Thanks for this highly relatable laugh 😛 may all unwanted guests take heed, and leave the home fort alone (unless invited)

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    1. Wait…wait. I’m afraid you are saying uninvited dinner guests is a thing. I will NEVER open my door between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. if this is true. I will hide in my basement every evening and refuse to come out.

      I feel like we need a club where we only meet when formally invited by other club members.

      Thanks for the read!

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      1. CelesteMiller

        Hm… Now there’s an idea, since my new place actually has a basement this time… good call 😀 and whenever that club does get going, absolutely count me in (and formally invite me, so that I know I won’t be locked out if I show up 😛 )

        Cheers!

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  7. the pretty poems

    I loved this post sooo much! I’m the exact same way. It’s the same thing with instant messaging. People expect me to reply back in 2 seconds but it can be days or weeks before I reply to small talk. But these are people I don’t see IRL ever so the human interaction isn’t there. I know I’m awful 😭

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