I am not a morning person. I have friends who are morning people and I have coworkers who proudly show up at the office every day at 6:00, or so they tell me. I have never witnessed them at this horrible time of day, because I am still sleeping, almost always. Occasionally a friend can coerce me to meet her for a run at that time of day, and I am usually surprised about 6:15 that I am dressed and moving outside at a quicker than walking pace. Once I enjoyed such a run wearing two different running shoes. Mornings are dark and shoes look similar before dawn breaks. Lesson learned.
I harshly judge myself for my morning choices. A litany of self reproach runs through my head each morning when I wake up realizing I have turned off my alarm in my sleep and once again it’s 7:30. “You’d be skinny if you got up earlier and worked out.” “Your book would be done if you’d just get up and write.” “Good people, smart people, worthwhile people are morning people and they probably delivered papers when they were kids and what did you do? Oh sleep, just like you do now. Loser.” Being mean to yourself is not a great way to start your day, but five days out of seven it’s my first item of business. Well second item, after turning off my alarm set for 6:00. “Loser.”
This evening on the way home I finished listening too 10% Happier by Dan Harris. I really liked that book. I liked his message. I have been enchanted by Buddhism for much of my life and the real world, scientific perspective he gave to meditation, mindfulness and that asshole in my head spoke to me. He made me want to get up in the morning and meditate, but I’m trying to be realistic here. Am I going to do that when running (which I love), writing (also love), and work (pays for my house) don’t provide enough motivation? Will meditation just become one more thing I beat myself up about, or will meditation replace the loser-talk? One way or another, the mean person in my head must be replaced by a better morning habit. She’s annoying.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Two Right Feet.”