Category: Tickles my afthead

How do I make it work?!?

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 The instructions on the back of my new clock are confusing.  Do I need a C battery, or not?  Perhaps I need two AA batteries, which are included?  Perhaps some other alternative energy source is provided-solar panels or fusion-but when that runs out I’ll need a C battery, which is not included.  What if I’m not in the USA, the only country where this statement is applicable, is the battery included or is there a different power requirement altogether?  What would happen if my husband took this on a business trip to the UK?  Would he get additional clarification?

My friends, the answer, if required, is not included.

Signs of less than the apocolypse

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It’s been a rough few days at the Afthead house, so today I bring you my favorite sign from a local water park, so we can share a laugh.  Every time I see it I want to jump in the pool and stay under as long as I can, swim a lap without coming up for air, or just stand in front of the sign and hold my breath like a petulant child.  That’s the kind of scofflaw I am.

Now, let’s all just take a deep breath …and hold it.

Surface screen showing date far into the future

Hello from the future!

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Today I logged into my writing Surface and was shocked by the date that appeared in the corner of my screen.  Apparently, while walking downstairs to my study, I miraculously transported almost 64 years into the future!  I’m feeling pretty spry for 103 years old, and look darn good if I do say so myself.  My 66 year old cat jumped onto my desk: for sure a record for world’s oldest cat.

The future was not without disappointment.  I was horrified to find that my Surface was still running Internet Explorer 11 and Windows 8.1.  Still no invitation to upgrade to Windows 10 either.  A quick glance out the window verfied that there are no flying cars, at least, not that I could see from the basement.  I’m off to see if Google still exists, and if it does, try to find where my ancient husband and 71 year old daughter are.  I bet they’ve been worried sick.

I Love Spellcheck

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I’m just going to say it.  I love spellcheck.  I love that I know that spellcheck is spelled spellcheck and not spell check or spell-check because spellcheck doesn’t get a red underlined wiggly.  (Note, spell check and spell-check also don’t, so that means all three of them are right, right?)  I can’t spell.  Have never been able to spell.  Have been known to spell so poorly that when I right click on the red squiggly line it has no suggestions for me.  Buerocratic is one of my favorites.  You know the act of beuorocracy?  Why can’t spell check get what I’m trying to say?  Burocracy?  Whatever, “dumb organizational rules” gets no red wiggly line, but sometimes gets frowny faces from my boss.  (Frowney?  Frowning.  Who knew frowny wasn’t a word?)

Today spellcheck taught me two new things.  Would you like to learn them too?  if so read on!

1.  Those tiny green cabbages are Brussels sprouts.  Brussels like the country with a big B.  I had no idea.  Wikipedia tells me The Brussels sprout has long been popular in Brussels, Belgium, and may have originated and gained its name there.  I always thought they were brussel sprouts.  Thank you spellcheck!

2.  The plural of eucalyptus (had to use the squiggly line to spell that one) is eucalypti.  I have never thought of eucalyptus as something having a plural.  I use eucalyptus oil when I have a chest cold to keep me from coughing all night.  I suppose it is harvested from a grove of eucalypti?  Or say that you spill many bottles of oil at Whole Foods.  Have you caused a eucalypti cleanup on aisle ten?

Now rejoice all of you at your new found smartness due to my inability to spell.  Wonder how the Afthead is ever going to realize her literary dreams when she is baffled by spelling, verb tense and comma usage.  I’m already picturing the day my novel goes to an editor.  “Well, she can’t use a comma to save her life and she’s got the past, present and future all mixed up in a single paragraph.  At least she can spell.”

Heck yeah, I can spell.  Thanks spellcheck!

Blogging Challenge – Likes and Dislikes

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One of my new favorite blogs, A Funny Thing Happened When I was Learning Myself, asked that I participate in a challenge listing ten things I love and then things I hate.  I love lists, and am so excited to participate; thanks for the opportunity.  Without further ado, here is my list.

  1. Hate kale, love iceberg lettuce – I hate trendy vegetables and I hate kale the most of them all.  Who really likes that slimy bitter leaf?  I was at a party a couple of years ago and immediately defriended the people who exclaimed, “Oh yay, kale salad” when it arrived late with someone I’m no longer friends with.  Yuck.  Also, kale will give you thallium poisoning so I’m avoiding it.  Iceberg lettuce though?   I’ll eat that stuff any day:  plain, on a sandwich, or in a salad.  It’s crispy, refreshing, uncool, lacking nutrition, and doesn’t taste like weeds.  (I also hate dressing, which  makes iceberg that much better and kale that much worse.)
  2. Hate movies, love books – I’ll almost never see a movie if there is a book option.  I love getting the whole story with the pictures in my own head.  I’ve been known to see movies made from books (notably the whole Harry Potter series and Schindler’s List) but mostly I steer clear from the movie version.   Time Traveler’s Wife?  That’s a forever book to me and I’ll cry every time I read or listen to it.   I don’t need some director and actors to ruin it for me.
  3. Hate nonfiction, love fiction – The only nonfiction in my bookshelf are cookbooks and knitting books and parenting books that make me a better parent by sitting on my shelf.  Otherwise I can’t really take nonfiction.  Even if it’s compelling, the story will degrade into minutia I really don’t care about at some point and I feel obligated to read all the details.  My one exception is Sarah Vowell’s A Partly Cloudy Patriot.
  4. Hate Lord of the Rings, love Harry Potter – I gotta admit, I love fantasy books.  However, that third Lord of the Rings book is deadly to me.  About the fourth time Aragorn changed his name and all those dead kings showed up I stopped caring.  I loved the Ents, but other than that I can leave that series.  However, muggles, snitches, wizards, and Hogworts?  Well that’s pure bliss.  So much that I collect the books in many languages and formats.
  5. Hate dogs, love cats – I’m unamerican but I’ve always loved cats  and found dogs to be a bit smelly, drooly and destructive.
  6. Hate scrapbooking, love knitting – Scrapbooking is tedious, time consuming, and boring.  However, turning tiny loops of yarn into hats, scarves, mittens, and sweaters is amazing.
  7. Hate cycling, love running – Before the small Afthead turned up I actually used to do triathlons.  I will probably never do one again because my road bike got stolen, and I really don’t want to replace it because then I’d have to ride the damn thing:  stupid butt hurting two wheeled torture device that made me dig gravel out of my flesh.  That said, I will do another marathon someday.  I love running.
  8. Hate quinoa, love white rice – Okay another food thing here.  I’m against eating a grain that is indigenous to poverty stricken South America so I can have protein and they cannot have protein.  I can get protein any which-way in my diet.  I don’t need to steal it from people who don’t have a grocery store within walking distance.  White rice is delicious though, especially covered with protein laden sesame chicken.
  9. Hate school food debates, love energy usage debates – My career is focused around energy usage and how to minimize how much petroleum we use, energy we use, and greenhouse gasses we emit by using energy.  I’m happy to talk to you about what car you should buy, what fuel you should use in it, and what kind of windows you should get.  I’ll bore you to tears on the topic and eventually point out lots of ways you can feel bad about your lifestyle and energy usage if you hang out with me long enough.  However, I do not care what is in school lunches.  (See 8 and 1 for examples of my lack of food coolness.)  My kid will eat hot lunch when it is chicken nuggets, pizza, hot dogs or quesadillas so bring on those options and I won’t have to make lunch!  Jamie Oliver is annoying and I don’t care what he says.
  10. Hate coffee, love Diet Dr Pepper.  My whole life people have been telling me to “wait until high school,” “wait until college,” or “wait until you start working” and coffee will no longer taste like swill.  All those people are wrong.  Coffee smells amazing and tastes terrible.  It always will.  Diet Dr Pepper though?  That’s the nectar of the gods.  And when the damn Jamie-Oliver-loving creep from work asks me if I want to know how my drink of choice is going to kill me I will continue to tell him “NO!”  I have one vice, and it is a fizzy chemical bottle of joy.

Now, I invite the following blogs to participate in this super fun challenge.  Tell me ten things you love and hate.

https://kwoted.wordpress.com/

https://amiewrites74.wordpress.com/

https://adaisink.wordpress.com/

http://aroundzuzusbarn.com/ 

http://notthatkindofteacher.com/

http://ateachingparent.com/

Super Duper Excited about Healthy Snacks!

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There’s a new vending machine at work named “Healthy Vend”.  It’s been there for almost a month now.  It accepts a wide variety of payment options: cash, coins, several credit cards and Apple Pay.  Everything in it is $1.00, so it’s a super convenient and inexpensive way to grab something when I forgot my lunch or need a quick snack to tide me over before dinner.


The best part is that the snacks are not only healthy, but they are also invisible!  Or maybe they just want to give health nuts the joy of buying something out of a vending machine, while not tempting them with the almonds, beef jerky, pretzels, or gluten free cookies that so often get dubbed “healthy” but really aren’t.

I haven’t tried it yet, but I’m going to.  I love me a healthy snack.  Maybe tomorrow…

Three Random Rants

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A few things have been swirling around my mind lately and I need to get them off my chest.  Three rants are below and are unrelated and unequal in magnitude.

#1: The acceptance of Caitlyn Jenner does not mean that the good ol’ USA is like Brave New World or 1984

Okay, folks, let’s chat shall we?  Regardless of how you feel about Caitlyn Jenner, her choices, or the attention the media is giving her can we try to agree on one thing?  Who she is and the choices she made has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with the classic novels 1984 and Brave New World.  This Washington Post article drawing similarities to conservative’s apocalyptic views and those two books has left my friends and family sick of listening to me.  There was no freedom and no individuality in those books!  That was the point!  Yes, there were all kinds of perversity happening, but not this kind of perversity, if you consider this a perversity.  Do conservatives not know that those who don’t agree with them worry that their policies direct us into the world of Big Brother and sameness?  Pick another metaphor people!

Phew. On a non-rant note, I really appreciated Laverne Cox’s take on Caitlyn’s unveiling.  At my local bagel shop there was an employee who had manicured nails, make-up, and a husky female voice and she/he didn’t look like Caitlyn or Laverne.  I don’t know which gender she/he most identified with, but she/he was always polite, always had a smile for me, and was really a happy person.  Working at a bagel shop isn’t going to give you the means to become Caitlyn, and that’s okay, so long as people respect who you are on the inside and outside.  I hope she brings us a step closer to this kind of universal respect.

#2  Toilet stall doors that close by default are a horrible design

Okay, I hate walking into a restroom where all the doors are closed regardless of whether or not there is someone in the stall.  Who decided that was a good idea?  Walking around hunched over peering under doors or through cracks makes me feel like a hunchback voyeur.  Make the doors open by default.  Also, this format causes unnecessary lines for those unwilling to be creepy or rude.

#3  Hobbies and avocations are unexpected bridge builders

I met a new client this week who introduced herself by saying, “Oh, I know you.  The owner at the local knitting shop said to watch for you at work.”  Uh, what?  This new client liked me before I ever met her because she knew I was a knitter.  How awesome is that?

The end of random ranting.  I feel better now.

Tickles my Afthead

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Oh, guess what made me happy this week? Spring!!!  It’s here! I can smell it in the air. I can feel it between my toes. I can see it everywhere! Time to dust off the gardening tools and start digging and planting and growing. 

Spring means buying flowers and plants.

Yellow Ranunculus
Ranunculus. My favorite spring flower to pet. The dense petals are so soft! This guy will live above my sink in the kitchen and I will love it until I kill it. I can make lots of flowers thrive, but not this one.

Spring means big showy displays of color.

Forsythia.
Forsythia! This bush lives right outside our front door and I watch for the yellow blossoms to appear each February. Now it is a cacophony of little yellow flowers singing spring, spring, spring!

Spring means tiny greenhouses protecting the summer bounty from spring frost.

Walls of water
Walls of water hide three tomato and two broccoli plants. Grow little veggies and be safe from the frost and cold.

Spring means tiny blossoms of joy.

Early spring Iris
Tiny Iris. My favorite flowers of spring. First come the crocuses peeking through the snow and mulch. Then the tiny showy iris bloom with their tiger striped petals.