Cynthia dropped her purse on the floor shedding her date clothes from one end of the apartment to the other, heading to the bathroom to wash off her makeup. The care she had taken to look her best was just embarrassing now. It was the third date, and she’d even put on an itchy lacy thong and matching itchy push up bra thinking tonight she and Sebastian were going to take things to the next level. Well, she wasn’t wrong about that, but when the check came and Sebastian didn’t pick up the tab alarms started to go off, and built to a crescendo when he started the tired, “It’s not you, it’s me” let-her-down-easy soliloquy.
The worst was that she didn’t even like him, but she was lonely and was looking forward to feeling pretty and satisfied for a night. In her secret heart she had even looked forward to ending it herself after a few nights together, but spiky haired Sebastian had beat her to the punch.
Reaching for a hand towel to pat dry her clean face Cynthia knocked a small box out of the linen closet. She reached down to pick up the object and saw that it was the lipstick sized vibrator that she’d been given at a bachelorette party last summer. She’d been so embarrassed by it that she’d shoved it behind the towels, but not before rolling her eyes at the “perfect for travel” splashed across the front of the package. All she could imagine was some blue shirted TSA inspector finding it and turning it on in front of a pack of disheveled travelers.
Cynthia paused before putting the small box back in the linen closet. She was lonely, and had been hoping for some…attention…tonight. Maybe this was better than the Sebastian solution. She couldn’t cuddle, but she could be satisfied. With a flick of anticipation in her stomach she turned the lipstick base, and nothing happened. She looked for a switch, or some other way to turn the device on, but nothing happened. Suddenly the vibrator broke into two pieces and a single AAA battery fell to the floor.
Cynthia leaned over to pick up the battery, but the process of straightening back up reminded her that she had to get out of the damn thong. She dressed in her favorite yoga pants and a soft well-loved tank top and turned on the TV. A late night commercial blasted from the speakers.
AAA BATTERIES DELIVERED AND INSTALLED! NEED BATTERY HELP RIGHT NOW? CALL 1-800-555-5AAA!
Less than fifteen minutes later there was a strong knock at the door. Cynthia slipped her lipstick sized toy into the small pocket on her tank top and looked up to find Adonis on her doorstep. His thick dark hair curled around his ears and was just a little too long for a man, ending right above his name tag: which read “Adonis.” His aquiline nose split two ice blue eyes and his full lips stretched into a smile revealing perfect white teeth. “AAA Battery Delivery and Installation at your service ma’am. May I come in?” His breath had an intoxicating minty cinnamon scent. Cynthia stood aside, speechless, and motioned him in. She glanced outside and saw his truck, proving that this man was from AAA Batteries.
His perfect butt was somehow highlighted by his jumpsuit and a pair of what looked like gun belts crossed his hips. Instead of bullets his belt held rows of AAA batteries. Cynthia couldn’t stop staring as he slowly turned and asked, “Now, how can I help you?”
“I…I need an AAA battery.” Cynthia stammered.
Adonis said in a satiny voice, “AAA Batteries, Delivered and Installed is our motto, ma’am. I can’t just give you a battery, I’ve got to install it for you too.”
Cynthia flushed and reached into the pocket of her tank top, both afraid of this god-like man’s reaction and longing for him to respond to her needs. She held out the small device and he took it from her and professionally installed a single new AAA battery from his belt. When he was done he stared into her eyes and gently twisted the lipstick base and a quiet humming filled the air. He stepped toward her and asked, “Now, is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”
Cynthia said nothing but softly moaned….
The second, and more adult version of my AAA Battery Emergency series. I’m vaguely obsessed with all the potential AAA Battery Emergencies, but when the idea of the gunslinger-like delivery man popped into my head I couldn’t help but write the story. I leave it to your imagination how the evening ends. Did the battery belts stay on, or come off?
Afthead 