Tag: love

Wonky Love

On By aftheadIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Love is not always a humped crimson orb tapering to a perfect point.  Sometimes it’s a little asymmetrical, dirty and rounded. 

Or life has taken a big hunk out of it.  

Occasionally it’s cracked, misshapen, and poorly sprinkled – yet still delectable.  

Sometimes it’s fuzzy and a bit standoffish.

Unexpectedly its feathery alien aspects will push you to new limits.  

Yet pure glimpses into its soft irregular perfection will overwhelm you.

Whatever the shape, size, or consistency of your love today embrace it.  Happy Valentine’s Day from my afthead (and forehead) to yours.img_1238

There is a tiny girl

On By aftheadIn stories14 Comments

There is a tiny girl.  Her story is not my story, but her parents.  Her parents are my friends and like most children of my friends she got a hat when she entered this world.  A hat with a poof as big as her head.

IMG_4544_medium2
She got sick in her second fall and after days and weeks and months of horrible tests the worst imaginable diagnosis came back, but that is their story, not mine.
It’s winter now and my hands have longed to help my friends.  We bought them meals, but I wanted to do something personal, so I cast on a hat.  A bigger hat with a tiny pom pom.    A hat with a brim, because it is cold this January and my friends are so cool.  Their daughter needs a hat to keep her warm this winter.  Her parents need a hat that tells them their friend still thinks about them and cares.  I hope it isn’t too big, because the tiny girl may not have time to grow into things, and that is the tragedy.  There is a tiny girl, and soon she will have a new hat knit with love and sorrow and friendship for her, her family, for all they have endured and all they have yet to endure.

Bittersweeter

On By aftheadIn stories28 Comments

Dear Sneaker Squeaker,

Today I got a terrible, but not unexpected phone call.  It was the shelter letting me know that your heart murmur wasn’t just a murmur, but heart failure.  When they took your chest x-ray, nothing was right.  Your heart wasn’t right.  Your lungs were full of fluid.  At 3 months old you had reached the end of your life.

I always thought that something wasn’t right with you.  Your meow was strangled and squeaky, thus your name.  You panted at odd times.  Your eyes never quite opened.  I had hoped it wasn’t a terminal “not right,” but it was.  The news was a blow to my already bruised and battered heart.

When we took you from the shelter you were so tiny and so sick.  I would work on the computer with you in my jacket close to my heart.  I was committed to you even though I wanted to keep my distance.  I didn’t think you’d make it through the first week.  I ran steaming water in the shower and sat with you in the kitten spa to try to make you well, and it worked.  Yesterday you weighed enough and were healthy enough to go in and get adopted, or so thought my untrained eye.

I knew when I saw messages from the shelter that you were sick.  I hoped it was a “we need you to foster him a few more weeks” sick, but it wasn’t.  When I called and they told me the horrible news, I wept.  When they asked if I wanted to come in and say goodbye I paused, and then said “No.”  I had said my goodbyes the day before.  I had kissed your soft fur and told you I loved you.  I couldn’t do any better than that.

I loved your brown and black stripes that had started to grow down your back like a monochromatic skunk.  I love the trusting way you flopped down when you sat on anyone’s lap, certain that they would support you wherever you landed.  I loved how you would play with your sister and the big cat.  I loved your sweet purr, a whisper of your sisters big engine.  Because no relationship is perfect, I need to acknowledge that I didn’t love how you peed all over the house, but that flaw wasn’t enough to keep me from loving you completely.

I had hopes for your forever home, but it turns out I was your forever home.  Your forever was 13 short weeks.  I loved having you here, and I know you loved being here.  Thank you for sharing your life with us.  I hope you and your three siblings are somewhere sharing a sunbeam together.  Know that part of my heart is still with you.

With deepest affection,

Johanna

P.S.  I do want you to know that when I heard you were dying I adopted your sister.  I hope you don’t mind, but I needed some joy after so much loss.  The sadness was overwhelming.  Her whole name is now Adventure Sneaker-Squeaker Blackie Tiny No-Name as a tribute to you and your brothers and sisters.  It’s a big name for her, but I think she can carry it.  We love you always!

IMG_9391

Fostering Kittens is Humbling

On By aftheadIn Uncategorized10 Comments

We are days away from the end of our kitten fostering adventure.  Two months ago I picked up three kittens from the Denver Dumb Friends League.  Of our original three we have one left, and ended up fostering one additional litter mate when his sister died in the shelter.  Five kittens were born together, and this week two kittens will go back to the shelter to find their forever homes.  The experience has been humbling, sad, and full of love and joy.  These fragile creatures are so tiny, yet so big in our hearts.  Reflecting back on the experience, we have learned so much.

The Sorrows

  1. Stray kittens have a rough start at life.  In the family of five kittens three died.  One of the living had a bacterial infection and the other had a parasite and both diseases threatened their lifes.  I learned how to give IV fluids, antibiotics, immunizations, and anti-parasitic medicines.  If my job goes south I have many qualifications of a vet tech now.
  2. Even with all my dedication, hard work, care, and the wonders of modern medicine accidents still happen and kittens still die.  There is a very, very good reason that they stress keeping your toilet seats down when fostering kittens.  Of all the life lessons I hoped our family would learn from this, I never hoped to learn that one.  Life is fragile.  Never doubt it.
  3. When you tell your daughter that the kitten drowning is “family business” she will still tell her friends, who will tell their friends, who will tell their parents, who will ask you point blank at awkward times if a “kitten really drowned in your toilet.”  They are judging you, but you don’t need to judge yourself again.  Horrible things happen and people who don’t risk taking care of the sick and weak will never have to answer such questions.
  4. The animal foster community is amazing.  The foster coordinators who work at the shelter saw me at my worst many times.  They were always loving, took my concerns seriously, and gave the best care to the kittens.  The other volunteers and foster parents were a resource that this new foster parent drew on daily.  Once we were over the hump and the kittens were healthy and growing, the community rejoiced with me.

The Joys

  1. Our kittens were technology wizards.  They quickly learned that heat comes out of laptops and modems and always found the warmest place to sit.    
  2. Kittens do not make good bookmarks.  They are too lumpy. 
  3. Anytime you put something on your head that a kitten hasn’t seen before – earrings; hats, sunglasses, glasses – those objects must be explored and tasted.  
  4. If you are not a good housekeeper a kitten will reveal every bookcase that hasn’t been dusted under, refrigerator coil that needs vacuuming, and errant spiderweb in your house.  They will clean these areas for you, and then you will clean the kitten.  
  5. Baby kittens do not have hair on their bellies at first.  This makes kittens attractive from the top, but unattractive when rotated 180 degrees.  
  6. After 7 weeks of hesitant interactions kittens really taste good.  
  7. There is only room in any sunbeam for one kitten, regardless of the size of the sunbeam.  
  8. Big eyes help kittens get away with a host of transgressions.  

We’ve decided that these are not our cats, and giving them back is going to break our hearts for the hundredth time.  When they leave us I hope they find love, patience, a big cat to play with and a bad housekeeper to love them.  If you ever find yourself in need of a new pet, I encourage you to adopt from a shelter.  You never know the kind of love that may come with your new pet.