Spoiled Rotten?

On December 5, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized16 Comments

My daughter is an only child. My husband and I chose to have just one. We made that decision for a host of reasons including:

We want to be as involved as possible in her life, while still both working and maintaining our own lives.
We wanted to be able to experience her life together, rather than the divide and conquer method.
I am a crazy tree-hugger and know the impact each additional person has on this earth.
Having kids is a crap shoot. Heck, life is a crap shoot. We had one healthy kid and that’s a miracle and amazing. I don’t need to roll the dice again.

I could go on and on, but I’m not trying to convince you or anyone else that we made the right decision. We made the right decision for our family. Most days I’m really happy with the size and makeup of our family. Do I worry about our decision? Of course. I’m a parent. I worry. That’s what I do.

I worry that she’s going to be some kind of social misfit because she doesn’t have the influence of another kid at home to learn from.
I worry that our holidays and traditions are boring and lame because there is just one kid. Christmas morning has to be more magical the more kids you have, provided that you have the means for those kids, right?
My daughter won’t play a sport, take a class, or do much of anything without a friend. A sibling would provide a built in other person to hang out with. I worry that she’s missing out on opportunities because she won’t do things alone.
I’m afraid she’s spoiled rotten and a spoiled brat.

Trust me. I worry about #4. It is the thing about only children, isn’t it? Spoiled is the stereotype. Well that and weird, but I believe in my heart of hearts that every single human being on this earth is weird. My kid would be weird no matter what. She’s just a different weird then she would be if she had a sibling.

But I digress. Only children are spoiled. They get everything they want. They don’t have to learn how to share. Their parents dote endlessly on them. Their parents helicopter them to no end because there is no other child to focus on.

Do I spoil my daughter? I don’t have multiple kids to make life fair for. We need a new family laptop? I give her the old one so she has her own computer. If I had two kids they’d have to share that computer. She looses her gloves at school? I gripe, but just get a new pair. We are fiscally conservative and I can afford a new pair. I’m more annoyed about the time it takes for me to buy her the new pair. My husband and I coached her soccer team together. Both of us took hours out of our week to coach our only child. I’d say that spoiled her, but she hated it, so probably not.

My daughter is an individual though. She is like her dad. She doesn’t really want stuff. Her list to Santa this year consists of the following:

Tic tacs, orange.
Rocks
Notebook
Beanie Boo
Magic Set
Broncos Jersey

What an amazing list. So reasonable, especially when split between Santa, Mom, Dad, Grandma, Papa, Nanna, Grandpa and the two aunts and uncles who buy for her. Oh but wait. There are two other items, and that’s where the problem comes in.

iPad
Dash and Dot robots

My daughter wants the same setup she has in her STEM lab at school so she can program robots at home. This, my friends, is when the “OH MY KID IS SPOILED” freakout starts. It goes like this:

Mom voice: She wants to program robots. That’s so cool. I was a programmer, so maybe she wants to grow up and be like me. That would be a great career for her.
Head voice: WHO THE HELL GETS AN IPOD FOR THEIR KID FOR CHRISTMAS? Only the parent of a spoiled brat only child. That’s who!
Mom voice: Whoa. We don’t even have an iPad. She uses them at school. It could be a family present. In this day and age it isn’t that extravagant for a family to have an iPad.
Head voice: SHE IS NEVER GOING TO LEARN THE VALUE OF THINGS IF SHE GETS EVERYTHING SHE WANTS! WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING HER IF SHE GETS EVERYTHING ON HER CHRISTMAS LIST? ISN’T IT IMPORTANT FOR HER TO LEARN DISAPPOINTMENT?!?!
Mom voice: There are eight things on her list. She doesn’t ask for that much. She’s a good kid. She’s generous and caring and a good friend. Stop freaking out.
Head voice: SHE’S GOING TO BE A SERIAL KILLER!!!

Forever some reason, my worst case parenting scenario always ends with serial killer. As much as I know that some of this worry is self inflicted, there is also a weird societal side of this craziness. Today, we were at Michaels buying craft supplies for our annual “kids make holiday presents party.” My well spoken confident daughter was explaining to the checkout person that we were having a party so she and her friends could make presents for their parents and siblings.

The man asked her, “How many siblings do you have?”

She replied, “None, I’m an only child.”

“Well, I bet you are spoiled rotten.”

I yammered something about how no she wasn’t spoiled rotten that she had a cousin and some second cousins and no I’m not a bad mom and I really have good reasons for only having one child and I’m going to write a blog post about this you creep. (Actually, I stopped after the strange cousin justification.) He went on to tell me that he was one of fourteen kids and that his wife was an only child. We pretended it was totally normal that he’d called my kid “spoiled rotten.”

So let me just state here my kid is not spoiled rotten. According to Google the definition of spoil is:

spoil

verb

harm the character of (a child) by being too lenient or indulgent.

“the last thing I want to do is spoil Thomas”

Okay. I can be lenient. I can be indulgent. However, not to the extent that I am not harming my child. (Head voice: Well, maybe I am. I mean would I really know if she was being harmed?)

Shut up head voice! Okay, am pretty sure I am no harming my child, and I know she is not rotten. She is a sweet kid who, as I was blogging this, came and slipped a finger knit necklace around my neck. She is teaching her new friend how to finger knit so she can make a necklace for her mom. She is not rotten.

Head voice: But will she become rotten if I get her an iPad?!? Will that be the last straw? What if the iPad makes her a serial killer???

Sigh. Stupid head voice.

Winter Rainbow?

On December 1, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized9 Comments

Yes, I know. I said I was going to take today off, but there was a rainbow in the clouds this morning. A rainbow when it was 20 degrees out and not raining. It is a nature mystery that I had to share.

Anyone know what this meteorological phenomena is called? Google is failing me.

Let’s hear it for the goals!

On November 30, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized8 Comments

30 posts in 30 days. Done. I blogged everyday in November, except one and I posted two the next day to make for the missed day. I posted silly haiku, opinions, and a tribute to an inch tall Santa. I told the story of my foster cats and shared my blog on Facebook for the first time so my shelter friends could read my post. Tomorrow I’ll look at stats and do some analysis to see what worked and what didn’t.

I am proud of myself. Normally I’m not a goal setter; I break my New Years resolutions by January 5th. But I stuck with this. I learned that my fiction suffers when I write all the time, because it is hard to be thoughtful on a deadline and my fiction needs thought. I have a 5-6 part serial short piece that I’d planned on posting this month, but I never got to it. December will be the month of fiction. I learned that I can produce whimsy on the fly, and sorrow. I learned that I can write really long posts on my smartphone there are I other options. (Argh! I never wrote the “forgotten backpack” post. Putting it on the list.) I learned that my blog reading suffers when I write every day, and I miss reading what you all write. I met some great new blogging colleagues this month and look forward to reading more from them.

Thanks to those who read along and congrats to those who wrote with me. Pat yourselves on the back and don’t be a stranger in December!

We shoot people here

On November 29, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized10 Comments

Where I live we kill people with guns. On average our state is highlighted in the national news every four years, but the shootings are more frequent as of late: before this week, the last one was two years ago. We kill people at school, at the movies, and at the doctor’s office. Really ordinary places where you don’t expect to get shot, but in Colorado, that’s what happens.

These places aren’t in the bad part of town. They aren’t the shootings we dismiss because they happen to poor people. They happen in wealthy suburbs, near college campuses, and just down the street from our airport. They are all nice places to have your life unexpectedly ended.

Perhaps we should change our state motto from the Latin Nil Sine Numine (nothing without Providence) to Nil Sine Caedis (nothing without slaughter). I’m not a Latin expert, so there might be a better phrase to use, but I think it’s important to prepare our visitors and residents to be gunned down at the dentist, the shopping mall, or at school – normal ordinary places.

I spent the years before I decided to have a baby getting my annual exams from Rocky Mountain Planned Parenthood. Not the one in Colorado Springs, but one in my home town. I swam and debated at Arapahoe High School. Every time I come home from the airport I drive past the movie theater where people were shot for watching Batman. I’ve got a friend who went to high school with Harris and Klebold. It’s hard to live in our beautiful state and not have a connection to a shooting, because we shoot people here every so often.

According to our official website the name of our state, Colorado, “has its origin in the Spanish language, as the word for ‘colored red’.” That seems an appropriate first acknowledgement of the blood that spills here every few years.

Where I live we kill people with guns.

Can it be? Tiny Snowman!

On November 28, 2015November 28, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized4 Comments

Tiny Santa’s friend, Tiny Santa #2 was given to Nanna as a Thanksgiving present. So Tiny Santa was getting lonely. He was excited to meet his new friend Tiny Albino Peanut.

Oh Tiny Santa, don’t be silly. A peanut is not a good friend. I’m not done yet.

Eyes, scarf and arms make Tiny Snowman! Oh, the cool weather adventures they will have together.

Santa Sighting

On November 27, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized9 Comments

The Afthead Christmas season begins with a trip to Main Street of my hometown. The four blocks are lined with trees covered in tiny white lights, dark until Santa arrives. He travels in the back of a truck waving to the kids, and when he reaches the beginning of a new block the lights magically illuminate. This year it was cold and snow flurries painted the sky. My daughter and her friend were bundled three layers deep topped with Santa hats. Both of them believe completely in Santa, and while they know this is not the real guy, eight years of a tradition have made him special.

The girls call in unison as Santa passes.

“He saw us!”

“He waved at us!”

Because they are bigger and the crowds stayed home to avoid the cold this year I ask, “Do you want to go down another block?” They do. This year we see Santa four times and he sees us twice, by the girls’ counting. Only at the last block do I have to threaten, “Girls,are you really hitting each other? He is right there!” Their cold bodies extend for one final wave.

They leave singing a song they proudly made up on their own: “Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus right down Ma-ain Street.”

Afthead Advent

On November 27, 2015November 27, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized5 Comments

I have always loved Advent calendars: the kind where you open a paper door and see inside a window or door, the felt ornaments you use to decorate a felt tree, or the glorious ones of my childhood that revealed waxy chocolates. I love the anticipation they build for the season. I love the little excitement every day.

Now that I am a mom, I go a bit crazy over our Advent calendar. It goes up Thanksgiving night, which increases the anticipation quotient. Each day has a gift. Some little, like a mini candy cane, and some big, like a 1000 piece puzzle for the first day school is out. (We’ll spend two weeks putting that together as a family.) Some things she won’t like, clothes, but that gives us a chance to remember and practice polite “thank yous” before we get to the in laws on Christmas Eve. Some are tiny unexpected treasures she will love: a Duncan yo-yo the size of a quarter. We celebrate both Christmas and Hannukah at our house, so there is gelt and blue and silver markers on the 6th to celebrate the first night we’ll light the menorah.

Part of me feels guilty about the fancy calendar my only child gets. I couldn’t pull this off with two kids. Part of me knows that Advent is a real thing and I’m insulting people who celebrate the real Advent with my tradition. Part of me feels bad that I’m making the holidays even more materialistic. Really, I should have each day be a bonding activity, or a charitable act. Somehow I can’t make time to pre-plan holiday activities before Thanksgiving and I don’t have the Pinterest-patience to come up with 25 good deeds that won’t make my kid whine at me, then me yell at her, and both of us feel bad. I can manage to pick up a little something here or there throughout the year to fill a pocket in the calendar, and the effort gives me and her so much joy that I overlook my bad Advent feelings and keep the tradition going.

Tonight I pulled out the box where I stashed Advent gifts and started wrapping. I got to remember where I bought things and was surprised by an item or two. A few things she had outgrown and they went in the Toys for Tots box. Once all the gifts were wrapped and strategically placed – biggest gifts on the weekend and art supplies all in a row – I got to hang up the calendar. Tomorrow will be filled with excitement as she shakes, pokes, and squishes presents. Tuesday she’ll open her first gift. The only thing better than my Advent calendars growing up is making one for my kiddo.