Kiddo Travel Hacks – Toddler Phase

On August 1, 2016 By aftheadIn parenting7 Comments

Traveling with an infant is uncertain and scary, and traveling with a toddler is just like that, but louder and more mobile. There’s less screaming for no reason and more, “Want down now! Now! Now!” followed by the toddler death screech. These are the children holding their parents hands walking up and down and up and down the aisle whenever the fasten seat belt light is off. In my opinion, toddlers are the hardest travel companions.

Melissa, from Parenthood and Passports echoed my thoughts in her comments on my infant post, “The infant days were much easier than the toddler days, I have come to realize.” She’s so right! (Check out her site if you travel with kids or travel at all! It’s a fun read.)

How do you travel with a toddler and keep your sanity? Let’s start with the no/low-cost suggestions:

Talk about the airport ahead of time

Make your toddler aware of the whole flying process. Talk about the security lines and sending the suitcase off when you check it. Explain where all their stuff is going, so you can remind them as you go through the process. “Now remember, this is when blankie goes in your bag and through the x-ray. Then we’ll go under the bridge. First you, then Mommy next.”

Make flying an adventure

If you grouch and gripe it doesn’t help, but the airport is filled with amazing things. Notice them with your toddler. “Don’t the security policemen have cool blue uniforms?” “You are so special! You don’t have to take your shoes off!” “Do you see our bags going on the plane yet?”

Make others like your kid before they become obnoxious

Teach your kid the three rules of flying before you go, repeating them over and over.

You MUST stay in your seat when the seatbelt light is on.
You MUST NOT kick the seat in front of you.
You CANNOT smoke when the no-smoking light is on.

Have your kid repeat these rules as soon as you get on the plane. Point the lights out. Explain what the seatbelt rule is and that it is not your rule, it is the plane’s rule. It won’t end the “I WANT TO GET UP!” tantrum, but it will provide a way to explain without it being your fault. Also, fellow passengers will appreciate hearing that if their seat starts being kicked endlessly by little feet you are their ally. The smoking thing is just funny. Trust me, a three-year old saying the third rule is “No smoking!” is hysterical.

Finally, teach your kid that take-off is called “blast-off.” Nothing is cuter than a tiny voice shouting, “Mommy?!?! Is this the blast off?!?!” Your kid is adorable. All toddlers are. (If kids came out at 18 months old and potty trained I’d have a dozen.) Let their cuteness shine through before it gets tarnished by hours in the plane.

Bring familiar foods and treats

You love the chance to try exotic foods prepared in local styles when you travel. Your toddler does not. On the plane bring their favorite cup, and fill it with their favorite drink after you get through security. Bring bags of their favorite foods. Slip in a treat or two that they don’t often get to eat. My kiddo was a pacifier blankie loving toddler, so she got her pacifier and blanket the entire flight. She also had a sippy cup of juice, sliced apples, and goldfish. When she wanted a treat she got a ring pop: the pacifier in lollipop form. Throw away your rotting teeth and nutritious food worries for the duration of the flight. Make it a comfortable, special smorgasbord.

Now, if you are lucky enough to have a little extra money to spend there are some higher cost things you can do to make your trip more enjoyable.

Devices and television are your friend

Sure, if you are lucky, your toddler will fall asleep when the plane takes off, but if you aren’t lucky it’s okay to ruin their brains with TV on a phone or tablet while they rot their teeth with treats. It’s a vacation! Fun fun! Also, sometimes there are built-in televisions on a plane that cost a bit to purchase. Trust me, if you only buy one TV, it’s better to get Disney and Nickelodeon for your kid than HGTV for yourself. Invest in some over the head folding headphones for your toddler. They won’t be able to keep the earbuds in their ears, and you risk a “I CAN’T HEAR!” tantrum.

Get them their own seat

I know travel can be expensive but if you are traveling solo with your toddler it helps to have an extra seat and an extra under the seat. I used to travel with my daughter’s carseat because her seat was a familiar space for her. Also, she was a great car sleeper, and often that translated to a plane sleeper if she was in her own seat. From a safety perspective, it was easier to ensure she was belted in if she was in her carseat. That said, try hauling your gear, your kid’s gear, your kid and a carseat sometime. I had wheels I could put on my carseat, but I have vivid memories of me wearing a backpack, pulling my roller bag – with her bag strapped to it – and carseat on wheels while balancing my daughter on my shoulders walking out of baggage claim. I swear, I must have grown two extra arms to pull that off.

One thing to know, if you do travel with a carseat make sure it is approved for flight by the FAA and that you put the seat in a window seat. Those two steps will save you embarrassment and the attention of angry flight attendants.

Pay for stretch seating

If you don’t splurge for the extra seat, try splurging for extra legroom. My daughter spent many hours on the floor of the plane playing between my feet. Yes, it is filthy. Yes, you risk the little one eating some random dropped food. Yes, it’s amazing to get your child off your lap and get a little space during a long flight.

There is one thing you must do if you are traveling with a toddler, and it will cost you nothing.

Rely on the kindness of strangers

People will be jerks and mutter nasty things under their breath. People will recline their seats so your kid can’t see the TV. You can get yourself all bent out of shape, or you can look for the kind smile from the lady across the aisle who has been in your seat. You can marvel over the car rental person who, when you were returning your car, noticed the toddler in the back and says, “Get in the passenger seat, I’ll drive you to departures.” There will be an uppity business man who talks Dinosaur Train with your kiddo the third time she launches Buddy at his head. Turns out he’s a dad under that suit. I remember the awful flight to Orlando in generalities, but six years later I remember the specifics of the people who were wonderful to me and my challenging, adorable, loud toddler.

The second in a series of Kiddo Travel Hacks where I share my best advice for not just surviving, but enjoying travels with kids.

Kiddo Travel Hacks – Infant Phase

On July 26, 2016July 27, 2016 By aftheadIn parenting15 Comments

I love traveling with my daughter. She’s at an age where she understands that the pain of the drive, the airport, and the lines is more than worth the adventure at the other end. That said, I remember preparing for infant trips with a pit in my stomach.

She took her first flight when she was a few days shy of six months old. My husband’s dear aunt was supposed to come visit us, but instead of flying she was doing another round of chemo. Her cancer was back, but I desperately wanted her to meet her grand-niece. “No problem,” I said, “We’ll come to you.” Brave words, but the idea of flying with an infant was terrifying. On the plane there is so much stuff to bring and so little control over her. Who hasn’t wanted to rip their ears off because of an infant screaming during an entire plane ride? Did I want to be that mom with that kid? While I knew most problems could be solved by baring my breast and feeding her I was not confident nursing in public, so I came up with a backup plan.

My brother-in-law was traveling with us. Rather than sit with our family, I asked if he would sit in the row in front of us. Then I made my request. “If she starts screaming, will you please stand up and start berating me? Loudly?” He looked at me with surprise and I justified, “See, I can’t handle some stranger going off on me, but if you preempt it and just start telling me to ‘shut your damn kid up’ and that I’m ‘a terrible mother’ you might circumvent others yelling at me.”

All of my in-laws think I’m crazy, and I did nothing to change my brother-in-law’s mind that day, but he agreed. I boarded the plane confident that the worst I would have to endure was a baby crying and my brother-in-law acting like a maniac. I could handle that. I was armed with bottles, pacifier, diapers, changes of clothes, toys, and digital devices to keep her happy, but if those didn’t work I was also armed with a plan to keep the meanies away. As usual, when you’ve planned every contingency, the flight was easy. My daughter fell asleep drinking her bottle as we took off and woke up as we were landing.

When traveling with an infant, figure out what scares you the most, and make a plan to deal with that. Puke? Pack two changes of clothes. Poop? Do the same. Germs? Bring a bag full of 3 oz bottles of hand sanitizer. Mean people? Bring your own meaner person. Travel with an infant is a total wildcard, so do what you can to address your own fears. If you are calm, you’ll be able to better deal with whatever surprises come your way.

The first in a series of Kiddo Travel Hacks where I share my best advice for not just surviving, but enjoying travels with kids.

Hiatus and Compromise

On June 22, 2016June 23, 2016 By aftheadIn Tickles my afthead, Uncategorized10 Comments

Oh my dear blogging friends, I have missed you. The insanity of May flowed into the craziness of June and my poor blog suffered. In hindsight I should have told you all I was going to be missing from this space, but alas, I just went and left no forwarding address. Now refreshed and full of stories from a week’s vacation I return ready to blog again.

For starters, let me just say I have finally figured out this “vacationing with a child” thing. Now, 8+ years of parenting has taught me that the second I utter such words that hubris will destroy me leaving me in the land of horrid vacations for years to come. I shall not be daunted! I believe this knowledge will endure! The key to successfully vacationing with a kid is… duh duh duuuuhhhhh…. compromise! Let’s look at some pictorial evidence from my recent Tour de Soutwest Colorado, shall we?

In order for child(ren) to enjoy the seven mile hike to Lizard Lake, you must first incentivize them with a gnome home contest. Then, when the whining and complaining part of the hike begins you may be lucky enough to notice a bonanza of snail shells (What?!? In Colorado in the mountains??? It’s like Mother Nature was on the parent’s side) which will lead to the creation of a snail-shell-walkway which will result in a champion gnome home. Everyone is happy, especially the gnomes. Tune in, because I am certain this home will be featured on gnome HGTV for years to come.

Oh, not more hiking. We adults love hiking, and somehow we think if there is a waterfall at the end the children will like hiking too. That may work for you, especially if the hike is short and the waterfall is amazing like this one is, but maybe, just maybe, giant inflatable pool toys are more amazing? Try coupling the success of passing a swim test with an hour of “Water Ninja Warrior” competition – where your child legitimately crushes you on 6 of 6 obstacle runs. (She’s over a foot smaller than me, how was I supposed to fit? And don’t get me started on her strength to weight ratio….) The whole way up to that waterfall there will be nothing but joy, especially if you couple the hike with really great rocks in the path.

Oh dear God. You are not done hiking yet? You want to hike to a cave? A dark creepy cave? Well parents, just stick a horseback ride on the front of that cave hike and let Yuma the horse do the majority of the hiking for you. Sure, you won’t be able to walk for a couple days while you develop real understanding of the term “saddle-sore” but your kid will love every minute of the ride there, and then might even surprise you by being the only family member willing to follow the guide “just a little farther into the cave.” Try not to hang your head in shame while you let your kid go spelunking into the depths of a cave with some guide you met less than an hour before. She’ll probably be fine and besides, your butt hurts too much to crouch.

EVEN MORE HIKING?!?! What are you insane? Is this a death march or a vacation, I ask you? Well, if you can hike in a creek and, I don’t know, pick up even more cool rocks then maybe you can squeeze one more hike in. Note: we may have failed on the rock portion of “take nothing but pictures and leave nothing but footprints” goal of hiking, but that’s okay, because you are done hiking now, right. RIGHT???

Let me tell you, at some point you have to put your butt down. Sure the top of the sand dunes are very tempting, but that sand is hard to walk on and after awhile there is so much of it in your ears you can’t hear the pleading, “Can’t we just go a little farther?” Fine, go a little farther, but me and your backpacks of water and snacks are staying here, far away from the sand ledge of death – which somehow didn’t claim my family (or any other lives) during our trip. You go on to the top. I’ll wait for you, even without any rocks to gather.

Explaining Irony to a Child

On May 5, 2016 By aftheadIn Uncategorized8 Comments

Recently my daughter asked me one of those head scratching kid questions. “Mom, what is irony?”

I don’t know about you, but ever since Ms. Morissette released her hit single “Ironic” I have had a hard time explaining the difference between bad luck and irony. Rain on your wedding day? Not ironic. Behold, last night provided me with the answer to the wee Afthead’s question.

Upon realizing that she had a cut on her foot – that didn’t hurt at all until she saw it – little Afthead went to get the box of first aid supplies. This was unusually independent of her. Normally wounds require drama and snuggling and mommy’s attention. However, as the wee child got her stool and reached up to the top shelf of the linen closet tragedy occurred. A can of pain relieving spray tumbled down bonking her on the head. I came running when I heard the clatter, but before the tears could start I assessed the situation and exclaimed, “This, this is ironic! Remember when you asked mommy what irony was and I couldn’t explain? You getting bonked on the head by pain spray is ironic.”

Amazingly the definition was enough to stop the tears and launch us into a conversation about other ironic first aid situations. Getting a paper cut opening a band aid. Getting an infection from a germ on the outside of the antibacterial spray. Apparently irony is best explained in terms of band-aids and boo-boos.

Is pole-dancing or writing a more embarrassing hobby?

On March 13, 2016March 14, 2016 By aftheadIn Uncategorized18 Comments

The answer might surprise you.

Today my daughter, who wanted to be a doctor when she was three, announced that now she wanted to be a singer or an artist when she grew up: the singer part is new. When she was out of earshot I asked my husband, “At what age do I tell her that under no circumstances will she be a singer or an artist?”

“When she’s a junior in high school and she still says that’s what she wants to be,” he replied.

I am a hypocrite. I aspire to be a writer, but do not want my daughter to want to be an artist. Somehow it’s okay that I want to be a writer in my spare time because I have a real job. Since writing is just a hobby, it’s okay…except even then it’s not really. When I was at a work meeting recently with 60 people we all had to go around the room and tell our “secret talent.” One woman said she used to have a food blog with over 100,000 views. One woman can herd goats. A man explained his art – oil on hammered metal – and when my turn came I said, “I am a knitter.” Others went on to reveal things like a competitive pole dancing talent and I wondered why I couldn’t bring myself to say that I am a writer or that I recently finished my first novel. Why is writing more embarrassing than pole dancing or knitting?

One of my issues is that in all areas of life I am in a rut. My real job isn’t going well and inevitably the place I spend 40 (+ or – 20) hours a week impacts the rest of my life. When work goes down the toilet so does my general outlook on life, and as a result work starts going even worse and the spiral continues downward. Eventually I don’t want to work, parent, write or knit or do much of anything but sit in the parking lot at work and dread my day.

I’m bad at my job which means my whole outlook on me is a mess. I’m obviously a crappy writer and mother and wife and child and knitter: you should see the mess I just made out of the blanket I am working on. When things get like this nothing will convince me that I don’t suck and I’ll find endless examples to support my theory. (My husband will tell you I am a joy to live with when I get in this place.) If I’m getting consistent external feedback that supports my crappiness vision then things go from bad to worse, and I’m getting that right now in vast quantities. Ergo, I am not in a good place.

Then today I read this amazing article in the Washington Post that promises to fix my “negative self talk” problem. I am supposed to write three things I liked about myself everyday before I go to bed and read the ever growing list when I wake up each morning. I emailed the Washington Post article author to commit to the project, because I think accountability is important for me to stick with this.

So here I am at the end of the first rotten day and I need to start my list. As much as I want to rant about my shortcomings I’ll do the assignment, mostly because I need a deadline to stop being miserable. If things are not better in 30 days, either due to this exercise or some other reason, I can assess bigger changes.

My first list:

1. I like people even more for their quirkiness: for example my daughter’s friend who only eats ~6 foods. It makes her parents crazy, but I just adore that uniqueness about her.

2. I said hello to my friend’s stepdaughter when I saw her at the garden store, even thought she was with her mom. It was a little awkward explaining the relationship to her mom, but worth it to see the joy in the girl’s eyes at being recognized by a grown up in an unexpected place. I like that I think kids are people too.

3. I asked a friend to recommend a recipe so I can make a dinner for a family friend whose dad died. She is a very healthy eater, so my normal comfort food options are no good. I like that when I comfort friends I try to do it in a way that is thoughtful.

Now I need to transcribe these into my notebook and read them tomorrow morning. Hopefully in 30 days I’ll have a perspective that helps me realize my dreams, gets me out of my own way, and let’s me confidently claim my unique talents.

My parenting mantra? Sit on your hands.

On February 28, 2016February 28, 2016 By aftheadIn Uncategorized16 Comments

If you could hear inside my head you would hear the mantra repeated over and over.

Sit on your hands. She’s doing fine.

Sit on your hands. You already know how to sew.

Sit on your hands. She is feeding herself and who cares if there is applesauce in her eyebrows?

It takes literal physical restraint for me to let my daughter do it herself sometimes. I see her struggling and I just want to reach out and help her, to get her past the hard part, to do it for her, but I don’t. My hands start to move from my side toward her and I stop them. It is the hardest, most important parenting lesson I teach myself over and over: she will only learn to do it for herself if I stay out of her way.

Friday night she decided she wanted to learn how to knit, again. This will be the third time I have taught her. Each time I have knit to show her, then sat behind her and knit with her hands over mine, then sat on my hands and let her knit, and by knit I mean drop stitches, make stitches with an accidental yarn over, created twisted stitches, knit the same stitch twice and finally give up in frustration. So we put the knitting away for another time.

This time we started the same way, but at the end of the night when she had eight stitches, instead of the twelve I cast on, and a couple of large holes in her work, she didn’t get frustrated. She just said, “That’s okay. This one is just practice.”

Then she put her work down, kissed it, and said “I’ll see you in the morning knitting!”

I didn’t pick it up for her. I did not go back and fix the mistakes. I walked past the five rows on her needles and saw what I might be able to teach her to make her work better but I did not do it for her. I sat on my hands, because I already know how to knit.

Saturday she picked it up again. Now she has three holes and fifteen stitches, but five inches of something that looks like knitting. She’s so proud. She wants to take it to our friend’s house today, because that mom is a knitter too, and she wants to show off.

We hauled out my first knitting project, a lovely burnt orange…thing, and looked at my holes and my wonky first attempts next to hers and talked about why they were different and how they were the same. As she watches me finish my first adult size sweater she understands that I started, twelve years ago, with something that looks just like what she’s making now.

“Mom, you’ve only been knitting for twelve years. If I start now, imagine how good I’ll be when I’m your age!”

It’s true, but she’ll only get that good if she does it for herself and I keep sitting on my hands.

A Powerful Snow Day Meme

Yesterday my daughter came home with a plan. “Mommy,” she said, “I learned at school today that to have a snow day we need to put a frozen spoon under our pillows, flush an ice cube and wear our pajamas upside down.” With that pronouncement she went to the cutlery drawer to pick out which spoon she wanted to go into the freezer, and I followed after her to get clarification that “upside down” meant “inside out.” I wasn’t sure how we were going to pull off upside down pajamas.

Not wanting to mess with a potential snow day, I had her freeze a spoon for me and my husband. I dutifully flushed an ice cube and then let her flush one. We both wore our pajamas inside out, but couldn’t convince Mr. Afthead to turn his boxers inside out. A frozen spoon went under her pillow, under my pillow, and was snuck under Mr. Afthead’s pillow. He didn’t really want a snow day, or at least that was his justification for not playing along.

I posted the recipe for snow day on Facebook, and was inundated by replies from my limited list of friends that their kids had also proclaimed the same, or similar snow day procedures. One mom worried because her spoons weren’t frozen, but the power of the elementary school crowed could not be overwhelmed by a single family’s inability to freeze their spoons or a dad’s unwillingness to wear nontraditional oriented pajamas.

The 5:30 oh-my-God-someone-has-died automated phone call from the school district and the foot of snow told us that our careful plans had worked! Do not question the power of the snow day meme when implemented en masse.

On February 2, 2016February 2, 2016 By aftheadIn stories, Tickles my afthead1 Comment

Ostriching

On November 14, 2015November 14, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Sometimes when tragedy strikes far away, I can’t help but turn off my TV, avoid the internet, and limit my exposure to the horrors. We are not a family that watches the news every day, and where I am very open and honest with my child about the day to day tragedies that happen to people we know and love, I have a hard time explaining coordinated suicide/murders in a city she only knows from watching cyclists race through at the Tour de France. There is nothing in her worldview to help me explain what happened in Paris.

That said, this evening Facebook provided me with a quote from Fred Rogers that at least gives me a starting point. He says:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

– Fred Rogers

I love this. It takes the focus away from the terrorists and the death and puts the focus on the people who are forced to be heroic when horrible things happen. Those are the images I remember from tragedies like 9/11, Katrina, the Nepal Earthquake this past year, and the Boston Marathon bombings. I remember the helpers. With that context, I might be able to turn on the TV tomorrow and instead of focusing on the hopelessness of violence, I can focus on looking for the helpers, and I can help my daughter focus on the helpers too. I can’t promise her that I will keep her safe. I can’t promise that bad things will never happen to her, but I can tell her that “she will always find people who are helping,” and I can remind her that sometimes even we get to be those helpers. That gives me hope, which will allow me to pull my head out of the sand, but not until tomorrow.

Bittersweet

On November 9, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized5 Comments

Today was a hard day, but a good day.

The Afthead family foster kittens went back to the shelter to get adopted after two months in our home. It is sad and quiet now, but there is joy in the fact that they survived and now have a chance to find their permanent home.

Last night, when my daughter and I talked about the kittens going back she said, “Do you know what word describes this feeling? Bittersweet.”

“That is the perfect word, sweetie. Where did you learn it?” I asked, giving her a hug.

“My teacher taught me.”

Today, I sent my kiddo to school with a note to her teacher that said:

Our kittens have finally gained enough weight so they can go back to the shelter. Little Afthead wanted you to know in case she is sad. This is a bittersweet day, and we thank you for giving us the word to describe how we feel.

After reading the note my daughter’s teacher made the word of the day “bittersweet” and asked if she could read our note to the class. My daughter said “Yes,” and was so proud to share her foster story with her class.

Today is bittersweet.

A Quiet Frustrated Rant

On July 27, 2015 By aftheadIn Uncategorized7 Comments

Open any news site today and you’ll see reports on two different theater shootings. The Holmes trial is in the sentencing phase, just miles from where I live. The Houser shooting happened less than a week ago. These two events have me ranting in a quiet anguished way. Three factors make these events personal to me: proximity, gun control, and mental health.

Proximity:

July 19, 2012 I flew home from a work trip. It was late. I drove home, and from the highway I could see the Aurora movie theater where less than three hours later James Holmes would open fire during The Dark Knight Rises. I was right there. Holmes could have passed me on the road as he made his way to start killing.

This February my family and I stopped at a great restaurant in Lafayette, GA while driving from New Orleans to Houston on Mardi Gras Day. I made the mistake of ordering barbecued shrimp, forgetting that they come with the heads still intact. After beheading my lunch I enjoyed my meal just blocks from where John Houser opened fire in a movie theater and killed two women and himself on July 23, 2015.

There is something about proximity that makes horror real. I was there. I can picture both of these places. I have swam in meets at Arapahoe High School and have friends who went to Columbine. It makes me wonder, are each of us one step away from knowing a victim or knowing a shooter?

Gun Control:

I want there to be an easy solution to this problem. I want some politician to stand up and say, “That’s it! No more guns in this country, at all, ever.” Except I don’t. I am solidly torn on gun control. I grew up with guns in my house. I learned how to shoot, I learned to respect guns, and I fondly remember the hours I spent watching my dad and grandpa reload after target practice. I enjoyed target practice. If I walked into a gun shop today the smell of it would bring back happy memories.

My dad hunted. As a child hunting put meat on his family’s table. I don’t hunt and never have, but I can tell you that nothing will teach you to respect a weapon like watching your uncle and dad gut and skin a deer they have killed. I have never questioned what a gun can do to a living creature. I don’t like play guns. We weren’t allowed to watch violent movies or play violent video games as kids. We were taught to respect guns to the point that I still feel a little weird pointing a Nerf water gun at my daughter and spraying her.

There are people who believe they need guns for personal protection. There are so many guns out there already that we can’t make them go away. I can’t round up every kid in the country and teach them the power of a gun, install new morals, and make them respect weapons. The problem seems insurmountable especially when there seems to be no middle ground.

Mental Illness:

The other thing Holmes and Houser had in common was a history of mental illness. So there should be an easy solution there. We just need to take care of the mentally ill in this country and we won’t have anymore mass shootings. Well, let me tell that it is not an easy problem to solve either. I’ve got close personal experience with mental illness in my family: depression and bipolar disorder have wreaked havoc on the Aftheads and extended Aftheads. I can tell you that even when mentally ill people want help it can be next to impossible for them to get it, or for their families to get it for them. There aren’t enough doctors, there is horrible stigma, the meds are expensive and can make people worse instead of better.

I’m obsessed with the news filtering in about Houser because it is all so true. I’m not surprised by the loophole in the law that allowed him to buy a gun. The rights of mentally ill people are slippery. Even if someone is a danger to themselves and others, there is a limit to what you can do to get them help. In the end, they are people and you can’t just go around limiting people’s rights, even if the people who love them are begging for help. I’m not surprised by his brother’s comments that the shooting wasn’t a surprise, and his words resonate with a truth that only some unlucky families get to experience. The kind of sick his brother was will rip apart families for a lifetime. I’ve seen it happen. Eventually you have to pick between your own life, your own family, your own safety and caring for the guy who just might end up being a shooter. With little to no help, no support, and no power what is a family to do? The problem is so big it seems hopeless.

The Solution:

This is a hard problem, and you do not make hard problems go away by ignoring them or doing nothing. I know that. We all know that. So, we have to start a conversation that’s going to make everyone uncomfortable. We are going to have to talk about guns killing people and we might slip up and talk about crazy people and we might end up with a solution that limits some rights. This will all piss people off, but isn’t it okay to piss people off to make sure that there is never again a room of dead first graders? (I’ll admit, as the mom of a daughter who just graduated first grade Sandy Hook is a horror story has a closer proximity than I can even comprehend.)

My favorite article about this topic is from one of my favorite authors, Stephen King. It’s called Guns, and it’s worth the $0.99 to read it on your Kindle or $2.99 to listen to on Audible. I have both versions. Know that if you buy it you are supporting the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. You might not be into such a charity, or Stephen King, so I’ll highlight his three measures to curb gun violence:

“Comprehensive and universal background checks.

Ban the sale of clips and magazines containing more than ten rounds.

Ban the sale of assault weapons.”

These seem so reasonable to me, and such a good start. Yes, people can still die if you have a gun that has a clip that holds ten rounds, but Holmes couldn’t have done what he did without assault weapons. Sure, people can still steal guns or buy guns for their family members, but Houser couldn’t have bought a gun with stricter background checks. King doesn’t provide a road-map for solving the mental health issues in this country, but he does ensure that when someone has a history of going to dark places they can’t buy weapons. That’s a start and we need a start. If there is a chance that someone is going to use a gun to kill another human being, isn’t it worth it to limit that freedom to make sure that we don’t end up being a country where every single person either knows a shooter or a victim? Can we start taking some steps to solve the hard problem before the next tragedy?