A Knit Dilemma of Presidential Proportions – One Year Later

On November 7, 2017 By aftheadIn Tiny Knit Presidential ElectionLeave a comment

Last year, in Afthead world, tiny knit Hillary Clinton won a hard fought battle for the presidency against tiny knit Zombie Trump. On this election day, I like to think that their camaraderie, their willingness to work together, and their ability to bring together toys and knit folks of differing opinions is a model worthy of emulation by us non-knit folks.

Vote for Hillary

Vote for Zombie Trump

If you live in the United States, I hope you exercised your rights and voted today. However, regardless of where you live, if you need a little more whimisical fuzziness in your politics, you might enjoy the Knit Presidential Dilemma series: https://wordpress.com/page/afthead.com/17068. It’s one of my favorite pieces.

Post in a series of tiny knit presidential dilemmas. See the sixth post here, fifth post here, fourth post here, third post here, second post here, and the first post here.

Thank you to Anna Hrachovec for the amazing patterns! Please visit her site at http://mochimochiland.com/.

Tiny Knit Pirates

On March 3, 2017March 3, 2017 By aftheadIn Knitting, Uncategorized12 Comments

Hi Bloggy friends! I have missed you, but enjoyed my time away basking in the sun and catching beads in New Orleans. Our Mardi Gras trip started and ended in Houston, saving us thousands of dollars in flights and allowing us to visit friends and their new baby in Houston. But what was a person to do with 10 hours of driving?

Knit tiny pirates!

Grandma Afthead has been hinting for a bit that her and Afthead Junior’s “pirate game” would be greatly enhanced by some tiny Mochimochi Land pirates, and I am not one to ignore knitting requests. Thus, I broke out my newly created tiny-knit-kit during the drive back to Houston from New Orleans and started knitting. What’s a tiny-knit-kit? I’m glad you asked!

Before the trip I wound many colors of tiny knit yarn onto embroidery floss spools – I use Knit Picks Palette yarn because it is cheap and comes in a bazillion colors. Then I raided the few Mochimochi Land kits I’ve purchased for tiny bags of fiberfill. Finally, I found my favorite needles for making tiny creatures, size 1 Lantern Moon Sox Stix, and threw everything into a small plastic pencil box. Voila! Tiny-Knit-Kit: perfect for tiny travel knitting! My patterns were slipped into sheet protectors and clipped into a plastic two-pocket folder. The whole thing fit nicely on my lap as we drove/flew along.

See! It even worked on the airplane after I finished the pirates and started on a tiny knit chicken, because that’s what pirates wear on their shoulders, right? No? Oh…. Guess I know what my NEXT tiny project will be.

Let me introduce you to my newest tiny knit friends! We have Orleans Tinypants and his golden jelly bean. Orleans is knit from the base Mochimochi land pattern with no modifications.

Then we have Captain Penn Tinypants, who may also moonlight as a gangsta rapper when he’s on shore. Captain Penn is a modification of the Mochimochi Land Tiny Pirate pattern, and details are on his Ravelry page. Basically he’s a row taller than the base pattern, has a wicked gold belt buckle and chain, has a debonair white shirt open to the waist, and his glowing blue eyes make the tiny ladies swoon and strike fear into his crew. He’s also meticulous about his sunscreen use, which is why he’s such an oddly pale pirate. Way to be skin cancer conscious Captain Penn!

The pirates were thrilled when we got home and they discovered the piles of dubloons and beads from Mardi Gras. The two of them have relocated with their booty to Grandma’s house and are having a great time. Grandma has mentioned that she thinks she’s heard the quiet sounds of pirate rap on still nights, but she might be imagining things.

Ravelry Links for Tiny Pirates:

Orleans Tinypants – Base Pattern

Captain Penn Tinypants – Modified Pattern

As always, thanks to Anna Hrachovec and her amazing Mochimochi Land patterns!

Knit-auguration

On January 25, 2017January 25, 2017 By aftheadIn stories, Tiny Knit Presidential Election20 Comments

At last the big day is here, the dawning of a new administration for the toys. Crowds of historic proportions were expected and arrived this morning: extra Lego sheets had to be added to accommodate everyone. Tiny Knit Zombie Trump and Tiny Knit Hillary are sitting together and enjoying the pre-inauguration entertainment. The gathering has a festive celebratory air. Every toy feels like they have representation in this new government. Every toy feels like their voices were heard. Every toy is excited about the changes that are coming, and has confidence in their new leaders. Let’s go to our on the ground reporter, George Snuffleupagus, for an up close perspective.

Thanks! Well before we go to the ground, let’s check out the birds-eye-view. Crowds stretch from the stage all the way back to the Lego Washington Monument. The future president and vice president took a risk – there is no security – but so far even the toys that showed up with weapons are peacefully gathering. It’s as if they just want to express their right to bear arms, but not hurt anyone. Wow! Look at the size of that sword down there!

The media is here and busy interviewing toys. Several polite discussions have broken out when toys nearby had a perspective different from the toy being interviewed. There’s just so much respect and tolerance, even here in the far back where you can barely make out the swooping hair of Tiny Knit Zombie Trump and sunglasses of Tiny Knit Hillary. Everyone seems so happy to just be part of this day.

Thankfully with the money this team saved on security they were able to install large video screens so the crowd can see from anywhere on the Lego sheets. This incoming administration really understands how to make investments where they are needed the most.

Sorry George! Gotta interrupt you. It looks like the entertainment part of the festivities is over and Tiny Knit Zombie Trump is going to take his oath of office. Let’s listen in. Oh, wait. He doesn’t have a mouth. Well, he’s looking very vice-presidential as he moans and nods… and there, he’s done. The crowd’s reaction is deafening. There is a palpable excitement from the trolls, vikings, mad scientists, and conservatives. Oh, now it’s Tiny Knit Hillary’s turn. The crowd has quieted. Let’s hear what she has to say. Ah, again no mouth. Well she holds herself with a very presidential posture as she puts her hand on the toy plastic book she chose for today. George, do you think the color of the book has any significance? George… are you there?

Sorry, I can’t seem to get my emotions under control… *sniff* This is just such a momentous day. Two parties putting aside their differences for the good of all toys. I just….I can’t….

Ah, and we’ve lost George due to the roar of the crowd. Well, let’s leave him with his emotions, and watch as President Tiny Knit Hillary and Vice President Tiny Knit Zombie Trump hug each other, and then address the crowd with inclusive gesticulations. I can’t imagine what they must be feeling looking over all their constituents. Oh, look, spontaneous hugs are breaking out all over. Knits are hugging Legos. Evil doers are hugging kids, but in a good way, not a creepy way. Such solidarity.

Well there is nothing more to add. Today is a day of peace, cooperation, and tranquility and our toy nation is a model that other nations can only hope to emulate. Let’s pan out to enjoy one last look at the crowd on this momentous day.

An unexpected, and tinge late, additional post in a series of tiny knit presidential dilemmas. See the sixth post here, fifth post here, fourth post here, third post here, second post here, and the first post here.

Thank you to Anna Hrachovec for the amazing tiny knit patterns! Please visit her site at http://mochimochiland.com/.

A Knit Dilemma of Presidential Proportions – Epilogue

On November 13, 2016November 13, 2016 By aftheadIn stories, Tickles my afthead, Tiny Knit Presidential Election11 Comments

It’s over. Rather, they are both over. The human election and the toy election are done and that makes me sad. I’m still processing the results of the human election, but that is a different post. Today I had to clean off my desk to start working on non-Tiny-Knit writing projects again. Many toys have already gone back into circulation, and the knit creatures have been discovered by the cats. I found Tiny Knit Zombie Trump in the corner with his hair ripped off – some feline was pissed and wasn’t afraid to take it out on the little green guy. Before the favorite characters were put away my daughter and I made a final scene to let you know what to expect from the toys throughout Tiny Knit Hillary’s term in office.

Epilogue

Barbie, Knit Snowman, and Knit Owl are very concerned about the number of toys that didn’t vote, and the quality of the voting that did occur. They are going to use the R2D2 supercomputer to help them model how to build a more informed electorate for the next election.

The Santas have loaded up their car with tiny knit Trump hair, ballots, and Santa’s very heavy sack. The hair is going to the toy Smithsonian museum and the ballots to the toy National Archives so that the importance of this election can be remembered. The North Pole is on alert that the naughty and nice list is coming in Santa’s sack and it’s gigantic. Never has Santa seen so much naughtiness and niceness. It’s going to be a tough job to get everything processed before Christmas, but the elves are prepped and ready. Mrs. Claus has even stepped up her baking early to ensure that everyone will be will properly sugared up for the analysis. The next big season is all on the Santas, and they are not going to let the toys down.

Tiny knit Vice President Zombie has put his acorn cap back on and is going to focus on the environment and climate. He’s built a team of creatures impacted by environmental change plus Lego Green Troll to help him determine what policies need to be considered. (Lego Green Troll is still not sure what the black and white creatures are doing on this green team is and getting ready to ask if he can paint them.)

The bad guys are planning to steal President Tiny Knit Hillary’s invisible supersonic jet and take it for a joy ride. Tiny Knit Chicken is going with them because she has always wanted to fly. She is hoping that Santa won’t find out about this last “naughty” act, because she asked for meal-worms for Christmas, and Tiny Knit Zombie told her that he could make that happen if she gave him her “I voted” sticker.

And the new President? What is SHE up to? Well, she’s appointed her chief of staff: Lego Hipster with Crazy Cloak. She calls him Jonas. (You know he’s a hipster because of the beard.) Jonas was a strong supporter during the election, and he can also serve as her Secret Service and head of Department of Defense because of the laser beams that shoot out of his scary red eyes. Having him serve multiple positions is a good way to keep her cabinet small and save the toy tax payers some money. Their first job is to talk to the old polling place lady and see how to streamline the ballot and sticker efforts for the next election cycle.

Everything seems okay, except… wait… What is Lego Mad Scientist up to now? It appears that one of the bad guys has another evil plan, and you know that Lego Mad Scientist still smarts from having his last evil plan thwarted. If his expertly knit candidate were president Lego Mad Scientist would have had an important role in the cabinet. But President Tiny Knit Hillary won’t even talk to him, and that Jonas guy keeps glaring at him with smoking eyes. Undoubtedly Lego Mad Scientist is going to continue to cause problems for this administration.

So there you have it. There are some good things going on and some bad things. The new government is focusing on some issues, but with limited resources they can’t solve all the problems. Hopefully they will move the toys forward more than they move them back, and the next election cycle maybe someone else will come along and focus on the things they let slide. Then those toy elected officials will move the country forward in a different direction so that in the end all the toys feel that their critical needs are being met. That’s the way it is supposed to work.

The End

Acknowledgements

This was about me having fun teaching Afthead Junior about the election process in my own quirky way. I loved making up this story for her, and while I’m sad that we didn’t get to celebrate the first human female president together, I am tickled by how much she enjoyed the story building. She told her class about our toy election and still giggles about the line “…the early bird gets the worm, and the ‘I voted’ sticker“. In four years she might be too cool and I might be to lame for us to do this together, so I’m so grateful that we had this election together. I’m also grateful for her help and ideas during our photo shoots. She’s also a great cat herder. Man, nothing destroys a toy election faster than a one year old cat!

A huge thanks to you readers who went on this journey with me. What a hoot. I loved your comments and your likes. I hope you enjoyed this half as much as I did. Now, back to that novel that needs editing, that short story that needs submitting, and that other short story, and that really hard post about the human election.

Final post in a series of tiny knit presidential dilemmas. See the fifth post here, fourth post here, third post here, second post here, and the first post here.

Thank you to Anna Hrachovec for the amazing patterns! Please visit her site at http://mochimochiland.com/.

The Final Knit Dilemma of Presidential Proportions – Election Day

On November 8, 2016November 17, 2020 By aftheadIn stories, Tickles my afthead, Tiny Knit Presidential Election18 Comments

At last the toys get to elect their leader. Weeks have passed and everyone is tired of arguing with their relatives and watching political ads during live baseball games. At dawn election morning the extremely old ladies who run the balloting office open the door and find a line of voters stretching farther than they can see, even with their glasses on.

The ladies quickly turn to their desk and start worrying:

“We don’t have enough ballots. There are so many people.”

“We can make more.”

“We also don’t have nearly enough stickers, and I promised my granddaughter one.”

“Here, take one before they come in.”

After hiding a sticker under their desk, the two elderly ladies greet the first voter, Tiny Knit Chicken, who knows that the early bird gets the worm, and the “I Voted” sticker.

Each toy steps into the voting booth to pick their leader. With large amounts of disgruntlement and small amounts of election knowledge many toys pick the “Write in” option and enter invalid choices, misspell names, or forget to check the box. The election commissioner will throw out all mistakes without a care. It does not matter to her that it is really difficult to write without opposable thumbs and at most two fingers.

Vote for Hillary

Vote for Zombie Trump

Vote for Santa

Vote for Snowman

Vote for Penguin & Owl

Vote for Hillary

Vote for Santa

Vote for Zombie Trump

Vote for Knit Chicken

At last every ballot has been cast and the election commissioner arrives to tally. She is horrified by the state of the ballots, but in the end the results are clear. There is just one last regulation to check.

Tiny Knit Zombie Trump admires the sticker Tiny Knit Chicken gave him while Tiny Knit Clinton chats with her friends the Old Lego Ladies. Toys mill about waiting to hear the results. As the commissioner approaches Lego Mad Scientist senses that something might be going awry with his master plan, so he moves closer to eavesdrop.

“I have some good news and some bad news for you Mr. Tiny Knit Zombie Trump.”

Tiny Knit Zombie Trump moans and strokes his sticker.

“Due to invalid voting processes 247 ballots were disallowed. When the remaining nine ballots were counted you won our toy election by a margin of 5 – 4.” Before Tiny Knit Zombie Trump can let out an excited groan she continues, “However, the regulations say you must have a registered birth certificate with the election commission and your records appear to be missing. Unless you can produce valid certification I’m afraid you must concede.” She adjusts her pantsuit and the watching electorate wonders if this might be a conspiracy created by a biased commissioner.

Tiny Knit Zombie Trump shakes his head and moans, and Tiny Knit Hillary, who does not wants to win on a technicality, springs into action. She was a former Secretary of State. She has friends all over the world who can help. Boarding her invisible supersonic jet she begins scouring records departments all over the planet looking for Tiny Knit Zombie’s birth certificate.

While flying over the diminished Arctic, her phone rings. It is the commissioner. Lego Mad Scientist has admitted he created Tiny Knit Zombie Trump and, in his excitement, neglected to file the correct paperwork. Tiny Knit Zombie Trump is prepared to forfeit his win to Tiny Knit Clinton.

Tiny Knit Hillary lands her jet and approaches her opponent. In flight she has made a decision. The toys deserve better than to be governed by someone who won only 4/256ths of the vote. She can do marginally better. Wrapping her arm around Tiny Knit Zombie Trump her first act as President is to allow for non-citizens to be Vice Presidents. Together their 9/256ths will govern the toys, and find ways to help the marginalized, the scientists, the evil doers, the green, the knitted, and the non-knitted alike. As the confetti falls the toys celebrate the end of the election. Tiny Knit Clinton wishes she had her binder containing her first 100 day plan so she could add “Change Vice President rule” to the top of the list while Tiny Knit Zombie Trump strokes his sticker and breathes in the delicious scent of Tiny Knit Clinton’s enormous brain.

Fifth and final post in a series of tiny knit presidential dilemmas. See the fourth post here, third post here, second post here, and the first post here.

Thank you to Anna Hrachovec for the amazing pattern! Please see http://mochimochiland.com/shop/tiny-zombie-kit/ for the zombie pattern and visit her site at http://mochimochiland.com/.