At last the toys get to elect their leader. Weeks have passed and everyone is tired of arguing with their relatives and watching political ads during live baseball games. At dawn election morning the extremely old ladies who run the balloting office open the door and find a line of voters stretching farther than they can see, even with their glasses on.
The ladies quickly turn to their desk and start worrying:
“We don’t have enough ballots. There are so many people.”
“We can make more.”
“We also don’t have nearly enough stickers, and I promised my granddaughter one.”
“Here, take one before they come in.”
After hiding a sticker under their desk, the two elderly ladies greet the first voter, Tiny Knit Chicken, who knows that the early bird gets the worm, and the “I Voted” sticker.
Each toy steps into the voting booth to pick their leader. With large amounts of disgruntlement and small amounts of election knowledge many toys pick the “Write in” option and enter invalid choices, misspell names, or forget to check the box. The election commissioner will throw out all mistakes without a care. It does not matter to her that it is really difficult to write without opposable thumbs and at most two fingers.
At last every ballot has been cast and the election commissioner arrives to tally. She is horrified by the state of the ballots, but in the end the results are clear. There is just one last regulation to check.
Tiny Knit Zombie Trump admires the sticker Tiny Knit Chicken gave him while Tiny Knit Clinton chats with her friends the Old Lego Ladies. Toys mill about waiting to hear the results. As the commissioner approaches Lego Mad Scientist senses that something might be going awry with his master plan, so he moves closer to eavesdrop.
“I have some good news and some bad news for you Mr. Tiny Knit Zombie Trump.”
Tiny Knit Zombie Trump moans and strokes his sticker.
“Due to invalid voting processes 247 ballots were disallowed. When the remaining nine ballots were counted you won our toy election by a margin of 5 – 4.” Before Tiny Knit Zombie Trump can let out an excited groan she continues, “However, the regulations say you must have a registered birth certificate with the election commission and your records appear to be missing. Unless you can produce valid certification I’m afraid you must concede.” She adjusts her pantsuit and the watching electorate wonders if this might be a conspiracy created by a biased commissioner.
Tiny Knit Zombie Trump shakes his head and moans, and Tiny Knit Hillary, who does not wants to win on a technicality, springs into action. She was a former Secretary of State. She has friends all over the world who can help. Boarding her invisible supersonic jet she begins scouring records departments all over the planet looking for Tiny Knit Zombie’s birth certificate.
While flying over the diminished Arctic, her phone rings. It is the commissioner. Lego Mad Scientist has admitted he created Tiny Knit Zombie Trump and, in his excitement, neglected to file the correct paperwork. Tiny Knit Zombie Trump is prepared to forfeit his win to Tiny Knit Clinton.
Tiny Knit Hillary lands her jet and approaches her opponent. In flight she has made a decision. The toys deserve better than to be governed by someone who won only 4/256ths of the vote. She can do marginally better. Wrapping her arm around Tiny Knit Zombie Trump her first act as President is to allow for non-citizens to be Vice Presidents. Together their 9/256ths will govern the toys, and find ways to help the marginalized, the scientists, the evil doers, the green, the knitted, and the non-knitted alike. As the confetti falls the toys celebrate the end of the election. Tiny Knit Clinton wishes she had her binder containing her first 100 day plan so she could add “Change Vice President rule” to the top of the list while Tiny Knit Zombie Trump strokes his sticker and breathes in the delicious scent of Tiny Knit Clinton’s enormous brain.